Years ago, I was at McKinsey's onboarding day when a colleague I'd just met leaned over and said:
“Can you get me a coffee?”
Let's call him... Andy.
I'd love to tell you I had a devastatingly clever comeback. I did not. I basically stuttered until the head of the office started his introduction. 🤦🏼♀️
He explained that joining us that day were a group of analysts, a group of associates (including our dear friend Andy), and exactly one senior associate.
Me.
Suddenly, Andy became Velcro. (Which is hilarious because I was a senior associate, not a senior partner... but I digress).
At the time, I remember thinking: this is what I'm supposed to do - hobnob, schmooze, work the room - but I HATED the way it felt.
Years later, after studying the research on networking, I realized Andy wasn't actually a good networker - he was probably a terrible one.
Strong networks aren't built by figuring out who has "power" and then glomming onto them. They're built through genuine relationships with people who know you, know your value, and want you to succeed - people who TRUST you.
Which brings me to something I wish more women knew: networking does NOT have to feel manipulative.
I think of it as being intentional. You're intentionally putting yourself in situations where you can genuinely get to know people. The relationship itself still has to be real.
So here's something to try as we head into fall: think of three people you'd genuinely like to know better.
Maybe it's someone who always shares an interesting comment in meetings, but you've never talked with one-on-one. Someone in another department whose perspective could help you do your job better (and hopefully vice versa!). Or someone with influence in an area where you'd like to grow - the kind of person who could eventually become an advocate for you.
Then pick ONE.
How you could create a little more proximity to that person?
Invite them for coffee. Ask their opinion on something. Sit next to them at the meeting. Follow up after an event. Find a reason to work together.
Not sure how to start? Try something like:
“I really enjoyed your point in Tuesday's meeting about X - I'm curious to hear more about your thinking. Would you be up for a quick coffee sometime?”
You can't manufacture a genuine relationship. But you can create the conditions for one.
No matter what you do - just don't be like Andy. 😉
Cheering for you,
